Tender Mercies

Well I have been trying to figure out how to write this post for quite some time.  I wanted to share this experience with my boys so they know that I know Heavenly Father is aware of each and every one of us and in our darkest hour He will be there or He will send his angels to lift us up.
A while ago, the Jostes' cabin burnt down in Colorado.  Mary and Jim ended up hiring Paka to come in and do some of the work.  My dad and Derek lived in Denver for a few months in order to work for them.  Things turned out pretty bad between them and Mary and Jim filed a law suit against my dad and Derek.  I was furious!!  They were planning on coming out here in a few weeks, so I wrote them an email to tell them what the rules were going to be if they were coming to my house.  I told them that I didn't want to discuss the law suit with them and I didn't want them to talk badly about my dad or Derek to my children. 
Also, when we were in Wisconsin a few months ago there was an incident where Mary was asking Jacoby to cut in line and Jacoby told her that we told him not to listen to her.  She ran out of the room crying and made a pretty big scene.  Jacoby was upset with me that I told him not to listen to her and he had made her cry.  I was upset because she had put Jacoby in that situation but I didn't say anything. 
Anyway, Jarod called his parents to ask them not to move forward with the law suit and they told him that they didn't care what he thought that they were going to do it any way.  They also brought up the wedding.  Jarod told them that we tell him that he always has to listen to us, unless some else is watching him and then he needs to listen to them.  Which is true but Jarod was not there when this took place and I was so I thought I should clear things up.
In the email, I told them Jacoby's side of the story and told them that they had made him feel really uncomfortable by asking him to do something that we had asked him not to do.  I also told them that I was proud of him for standing up to her.  I asked that they please respect us as parents and to not put Jacoby in that type of situation again.  The email was very direct and you could tell I was angry but I kept it very black and white to try to get my point across but keep my anger in check.
Five days later I got an email back from both Jim and Mary.  It was filled with the most hurtful, hateful, angry words that have ever been spoken to me.  I was devastated.  I fell to the floor and sobbed.  I felt like the rug had been pulled from under neath me and it was more then I could do to even stand.  I then started throwing up, in between my wails and sobs.  Jarod and the boys were very concerned about me and I was trying so hard to pull myself together for my boys but I was in a place that I just couldn't.  They hit me in every way that hurt the most and it was physically painful for me.  In the middle of the night, I couldn't take it any more and got up and called my mom.  I am so thankful for her and I am so thankful that I can call her any time.  Sometimes you just need to talk to your mom and it makes things so much better. 
The next day, Jarod took Jacoby to go and see a movie and I put Jace down for a nap.  I was crying and really struggling.  My phone rang, it was my friend Alana at first I wasn't going to answer it but the spirit whispered to me that I needed to so I did.  She said that she was in the middle of the store and knew that she needed to call me.  She asked if I was ok and what was going on.  I broke down and cried.  She had been through a similar situation with her mother about a year ago.  Her advice was exactly what I needed to hear.  She told me to go there.  She told me to take every thing that Jim and Mary had said to me and to think about it and ponder it until I knew for myself whether those things were true or not.  We hung up the phone and I went to put it down and it rang again, this time it was my friend Joy who lives on the other side of the country.  I felt impressed that I needed to talk to her as well.  She had kind words for me and helped lift my spirit up.  I know that they were both inspired to call me.  I know that they had no idea how much I needed a friend that day.  I know that my Heavenly Father was aware of how I was feeling and sent them both to me that day.
Jarod had to have a hard conversation with his dad and told him that we needed to take a step back and not have any contact with them at this time.  Jarod and I needed to heal and we felt this was the best way for us to do so. 
Over the next couple of weeks, I read a lot of conference talks about forgiveness, I read my scriptures a lot and prayed a lot and every time I knew that some way some how I needed to forgive.  Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do but I really didn't like the feelings that I was having of depression, anger and hate.  About two weeks after the email it was fast Sunday, I felt that I needed to get up and thank my Heavenly Father for the tender mercies that he had showed me by prompting my friends to call and for all of the amazing conversation and words that were spoken to me by my family and friends.  I did get up and thank him publicly and bore testimony that he is aware of each and every one of us.  Later that day, I was reading a conference talk and I had the impression that I needed to read my blessing from being set apart for my calling that took place in April.  in April, I had felt impressed to write down what I could remember.  I read my blessing and was blown away.  Almost word for word on the things that they said about me in the email, my Heavenly Father had told me that He thought differently about me.  In the blessing, He told me that he was proud of me.  He was proud of the love I have for Jarod and my children.  He told me that I was doing a good job at being a mother and a wife.  That was all I needed to know.  I felt the depression leave me and Jarod commented a few minutes later as I told him that I looked like a huge weight had been lifted from me and I had.  I knew that my Heavenly Father didn't feel that way about me and truly that is all that matters. I knew that Heavenly Father didn't feel that way and either did my family or my close friends.  In that moment, I felt very close to my Father in Heaven and I am so thankful for the words He spoke to me months before that He knew I would need to hear.  The calmed my soul and brought light back in and pushed the darkness away.
Since then, I have continued to study on forgiveness, moving on and faith.  I do not know what the future holds but I do know that I need to have faith that everything will work out for my good.  I went to the temple to do baptisms and felt very impressed that I need to let my faith be bigger then my fear.  We still have not had contact with them but I feel that at some point I will need to reenter that relationship.  It scares me but I know it is what I need to do because I have been told that is what my Heavenly Father wants me to do.  I don't know what our relationship will look like but I do know that it will require a lot of faith on my part and putting my trust in the Lord and if I do that He will provide a way.