Christmas Morning

I was really surprised that Jacoby slept in until 8 but I was not complaining!  When he did wake up though he had a really hard time waiting for me to go down the stairs to get the camera ready.  He was so excited that he got the blue scooter from Santa that he wanted.  Jace got a red bike and was so proud of himself when one of us pushed him around.  We also gave Jacoby a circuit set and we played with that thing for hours all day.  We spent the day in our jammies playing with our new toys.  We continued our tradition of having Italian food for Christmas dinner and a steam pot on Christmas Eve.  It was so fun to be home and their were so many times that we looked at each other and said that this was the best idea ever.

Christmas Eve

Oh how I love these pictures!  I was so excited about how they turned out!! 
We decided to stay home this year for Christmas and just be with our little family.  It was the best decision and I am so glad we did.  We made wonderful memories and it was fun to be in our house Christmas morning.  Christmas eve we read the pajama elf book and just as we got done reading it there was a knock on the door with a special delivery of jammies for the boys.  We watched the boys play with the lights and check out the presents.  Jace rearranged the Christmas tree and the boys danced to the Christmas music and I was able to get these great shots.  We put out a snack for Santa and said good bye to our elf Blue.  We also read our last scriptures for the Christmas count down.  It was a great evening!

Christmas Ties

My mom sent these adorable ties to the boys for Christmas and they looked so cute all decked out in their Christmas outfits.  I had on a blue skirt as well so we even matched.  Jarod went to an Indiana basketball game that day so it was just me and the boys.

Med scripture

I prayed today that I would be lead to a scripture that He wanted me to read.  The Bible fell open to this, Genesis 50:20
But as for you, ye thought evil unto me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.
20- Now therefore fear ye not; I will nourish you, and your little ones.

I don't think it was coincidence that I started my meditation angry at Mary.  I ended it in a much better place and was reminded that even if evil is done unto me, it is a lesson that I need to learn in order to become the person that God wants me to be.  I am right where I need to be and "it is this day".  He will nourish me and my children and as long as I do what He would have me do I do not need to fear or be angry.  He will provide a way.

Meditation scriptures

I am on day 22 of my 40 day meditation and every day before I close my meditation I read my scriptures.  Some times I read about a topic and other times I just let my scriptures fall open and read whatever page it lands on.  The three times I have done this I have been blown away by the scriptures I have been lead to.  I didn't want to forget them and since this is my brain, here they are.

Psalms 1:2-3
But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

2 Peter 3:18 I have been lead to this one twice
But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  To him be glory both now and forever, amen.

1 Peter 2: 9
But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness in to his marvelous light.

The last one was a specific answer to my prayer the last few days.  I felt inspired to volunteer to teach a meditation class to the people in my ward, which was really scary for me.  Funny thing was they had prayed that they could find a way to teach the women balance and they came to me earlier this week and told me that they thought this was the answer to their prayer.  I have been praying and pondering how meditation has helped me so that I was confident I was teaching some thing the Lord would want me to teach.  I have been afraid of what some of them would think of me and today I know that I have to teach them what brought me out of my darkness even if they find me peculiar because we are a chosen generation and a peculiar one.

Pirate Birthday Party

We went on a pirate treasure hunt a few weeks before and after that Jacoby knew exactly what kind of party he wanted to have.  The day of the party ended up being really crazy.  Cincinnati was going to get a huge storm so all of the schools were cancelled and they told every one to stay home.  In order to beat the storm and since all of his friends were out of school we decided that morning to have it that morning.  We were lucky every one was able to come and help us celebrate our amazing boy! 
Melissa came and took the kids on a pirate treasure hunt where they had to learn pirate skills.  After they passed their test they got a pirate sword or patch or something pirate related.  It was really fun and the last thing they had to find was the treasure and it was hidden in a pirate ship pinata. 
Jacoby had a blast with all of his friends.  We gave him a pirate costume and pirate legos.  He gave me his meanest pirate face for a few pictures.

Jacoby's 5th Birthday!!

 Oh my you cannot be 5!!  5 was a big one for your Mama!  We had the best day to celebrate you!  Daddy took the day off and we went to an indoor play place.  We played and played.

 You showed Daddy all the ropes and took us both down some really fast slides. 

 Then we went to your favorite lunch place Chipotle for a pulled pork burrito.  Your favorite.

 Then that night for dinner you got to choose any where you wanted to go and no surprise to us you chose to go for sushi.  You were all excited to get dressed up and go on a date with us.  You love your sushi!

 I had you pose for some big five year old pictures and this is what you come up with.

 I am really not sure what the scrubber brush is for but I think it was your sword for the moment.

 You wanted grasshopper pie for dessert so that is what you got!  We let you plan your whole day and you loved every second of it.  You thought for a long time on what you wanted to do and I hope that it was everything that you wanted it to be!

My sweet, sweet boy!  You and your brother are my greatest gifts!  I thank my Heavenly Father numerous times a day that I get to be your Mama and stay home with you.  The last 5 years of my life have been incredible because of you and there are no words for me to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me.  I hope that you feel it!  I hope you see the love I have for you when I look at you!  Thank you for being my son.  Thank you for teaching me so much about myself and about life and most of all thank you for loving me so unconditionally!  There is not a day that goes by that you do not wrap your arms around me and kiss me numerous times through out the day and tell me how much you love me and I love you too buddy so very much!!

Thanksgiving

We had a pajama Thanksgiving this year!  We stayed home with just our little family and ate dinner in our jammies with our nice china and it was awesome!!

This weekend

This weekend was a huge one for me.  I have been on quite the journey the last few months and it has been difficult.  I have had feelings of hurt, depression, anger, fear just to name a few.  These feelings are not ones that I usually have in my life and I was not comfortable with them in my home because I know the source of them but I felt stuck.  Really stuck.  I felt inspired to read the book the Dance with Anger and I did.  I found it fascinating and recommend it to any one.  It made some really good points and brought up some great information and things for me to think about.  Yet, it made me think of myself and I easily climbed back up on my soap box.  Why is that so easy to do?  I then felt like a world away from Jarod and what he wanted.  If I was honest with myself I didn't want any sort of relationship with his parents and he did and I could not see without one of us compromising to find any middle ground. 
I really didn't know what to do.  I shared my feelings with my mom and reminded me if what happened a few weeks ago when my dad and Derek met with Jostes' with a mediator.  Jostes' didn't have a case and would have lost if it went to court but my dad and Derek decided to make them an offer for what they felt was fair.  Jostes' accepted and the law suit is over.  I will never forget that phone call and the relief I felt and how grateful I felt to my dad and brother for doing that for me.  I always knew my dad would do anything for me but this was huge.  My dad doesn't back down easily and the fact that he could swallow his pride and move forward touched me deeply. 
My mom told me that she had struggled with that because she felt like Mary had gotten her way but in the end it really what was best for them.  She had lots of other good advice but I kept thinking about my pride for the rest of the day. 
I was laying in bed that night and felt like I needed to get up and write a letter to the Jostes'.  In the book in order to move forward you are suppose to write a letter that is very clear and precise and share your own feelings.  Not placing blame any where just stating how you feel and why you feel that way.  It was extremely emotional and it was the first time that I got to the root of my anger and hurt.  I felt inspired writing it and my head was crystal clear for the first time in months.  I was finally able to wrap my head around every thing and in detail explain it and also state what I needed in the relationship in order to move on.  I had climbed back off my soap box, swallowed my pride and did what I needed to in order to move forward.
The next morning, Jarod read the letter and thought it was very good and commented that it was really clear and he knew exactly where my head was after reading the letter.  I told him I thought I would send it later that day.  Later that day, I read the letter again but still didn't feel ready to send it.  Then I remembered that the next day was fast Sunday.  I thought I would fast and then send it.
Early evening I was reading my scriptures.  I had been studying healing the last few days.  I came across a scripture that said if you want to be spiritually healed you just need to say the word.  So when I opened my fast I did ask that the letter would be received with an open heart but I also prayed that I would be healed.  I told my Heavenly Father I was turning this over to him and that I had faith that He could heal my broken heart. 
The next morning we went to church.  Sacrament meeting was extremely emotional for me.  Then on to primary, same thing.  After primary, I was standing in the hall talking with some of the people in my ward commenting on that we had 18 kids in primary that day.  Every one started going their own way and Bishop Sullivan asked me how I was.  He told me he didn't get the warm fuzzies from me so he would come and pull me out of relief society in a few.  I went to class and was once again extremely emotional.  He came and got me and we visited for a few minutes and then he told me that he was inspired to tell me to go home and read a conference talk called "balm of gilead".  He had no idea who gave it or what it was about just that he kept being told to tell me that. 
I got home and my plan was break my fast and send the letter but the Bishop told me to read this first, then read my letter again, and then break my fast.  I found the talk, there are two both given by Elder Boyd K Packer.  The first in 1977 and the second in 1987, seriously??  Ok, was a little taking back that the talk was given that long ago so obviously this is not one that my Bishop just heard recently and came up with it.  Not that I needed proof but some other people, namely my husband may have.  I started reading them and was hit with the power of the message.  Let it go, let it go.  I knew with everything that I am that I was not suppose to send that letter.  I also knew that if I would let it go I would be healed. 
I tried to read the letter just to make sure and when I opened it I could not even bring myself to read it.  It was done, it was over.  I got it all out and now I needed to let it go and put my shoulder to the wheel and move on and don't look back.
I went and closed my fast with a very teary eyed prayer full of gratitude but also a sincere plea to give me spiritual strength to do just that, let it go.  I physically felt it leave me.  With mascara running down my face I went to find Jarod in the back yard.  As soon as he saw me he dropped the rake and ran to me.  I could see the concern all over him.  I told him I was ok, actually I was so much better.  I told him there was something that he needed to read.  He came to the office and read it.  When he was done, I looked at him and told him that I wasn't sending the letter.  He said this is too much for me to take in, let me get back to you.  He takes a while to process things and I have learned to respect that.  He went back outside to rake leaves and process.  Later that afternoon, he asked if that was really what I wanted and I said yes.  Then he said what do we do now.  I told him move forward.  His parents had asked to skype so I told him if he wanted to that I would be ok but I needed to pray first. So that is what we did.  I felt comforted the entire time and the things that she did that usually drive me crazy rolled off me like water.  It was amazing. 
Later that night, we talked about it again.  I told him that writing the letter was part of the process for me but also the things that I need in the relationship with his parents were written in the letter.  Even though they are not aware of these things we are and I know we are on the same page.  I am not sure what the future holds for us and them but I do know that I have faith that Heavenly Father will be with me every step of the way and I am thankful for my Savior and the atonement that took away the pain and healed me. 
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1977/11/the-balm-of-gilead

Pirate treasure hunt

One day for preschool we went with our friends Melissa and David on a real treasure hunt in the woods.  It was a blast!!  Melissa was awesome and stayed in character the entire time and the boys had a blast.  Jacoby and I ended up going in a dark tunnel and half way back we found the treasure.  He was so excited but he was so glad to get out of there.  It was such a hit that he decided right there that he wanted Melissa to do it again for his birthday party so he asked her.  It was so cute!

Halloween

Jacoby was the cutest SWAT police officer this year for Halloween and Jace was the cutest little dinosaur based off his favorite book Dinosaur Roars and he roars like no other as you can see from some of the pics.  Luckily for us we had taken all of these really cute pictures at the zoo a few weeks before Halloween because this year it poured!!!  We were all soaking wet but we had a great time.  Jace wasn't so sure about trick or treating but towards the end he was walking right up and if he didn't like what they were handing him, he would take something else.  It was so funny!